I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
