Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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