I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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