the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Terrible idea I love it
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
