what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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