"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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