idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
