shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
