I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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