if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
