it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize
