we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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