Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
