It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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