you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Randomize
