Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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