She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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