we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
