You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
