found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Randomize
