It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Randomize
