White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
