I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Randomize
