was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
