The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
