margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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