Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
why is half of my head shaved?
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
