I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
