I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
our cab driver is having phone sex.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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