Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
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