I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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