It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
This is classic penis vs brain.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
