im so drunk with asians
where?
always
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
