sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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