I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
