You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
