he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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