No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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