Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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