Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
