I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
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