omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
