it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
