please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
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