tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I just want nice things and good sex
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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