Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
he puts the penis in happiness.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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