Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
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