Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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