tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
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