she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
dude i'm inner monologue high
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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