Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
